Monday, September 21, 2020

Comment Wall

This will be the comment wall for my Storybook - The End of the World

"Kamokuna lava flow" by AdeRussell is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0


  1. Hi Eli! I just got finished looking at your project and I really like what I see so far. Honestly, I had clicked refresh a few times because none of the titles interested me (guilty of judging a book by its cover). But yours popped up and my first thought was it sounded sort of comedic so I clicked. wow was I wrong! But after reading your introduction, I'm going to be bookmarking your page for later! I think your title, cover image, and layout are all fantastic. I wonder what an image carousel would look like on your home page? I think this could be a good way to further drive your message across. I really enjoyed the Robert Frost snippet you included and then how you went on to explain/incorporate into your intro. I think part of me wanted you to explain the science/technology we have today... maybe you could go into a quick detail about different strategies? Or maybe an example of a seismometer picking up an earthquake and people around the volcano could evacuate before it erupted?

  2. Hi Eli,

    First off, the thing that was got my attention from your website was the cover art. The image itself was aesthetically pleasing, as well as simplistic; also, it pretty much sets up for the overarching theme of your storybook itself. In terms of the introduction itself, I very much look forward to the stories that you are going to be putting in there. The actual phenomenon of volcanoes erupting has always been fascinating to me ever since I was a little kid. Likewise, stories of ancient cities getting destroyed by these eruptions, such as Mt. Vesuvius and the city of Pompeii, have always been an interesting read. Something I do wonder is what kind of mythological phenomenons will you be illustrating with such stories? What gods or goddesses will be involved? I look forward to reading more from you!

  3. Hi Eli :)
    Your introduction looks great! I like how you set the tone with Frost's poem out of the gate. Your Storybook title is also that kind of dark-ish humor I like when talking about the end of the world. I look forward to seeing which volcano end-of-the-world stories you're going to do. My mind jumps from Hawaii to Japan to Pompeii to the Philippines to Iceland and all over! Your last line about how even with our technology, part of us still relies on those generational stories was awesome! It made me really look forward to how you're going to write out your stories. I also really loved how you had the three scrolling pictures at the end. That was so cool! I haven't seen that on anyone else's site yet, so great job with thinking outside the box there :)
    The only critique I have to give is maybe rewording a few sentences in the first half of your Intro. You start out talking about how human memory is long and end with how short it is. I would maybe expand further on how human memory can be a double-edged sword: either remembering something for too long or remembering nothing for too long. But that's purely my suggestion :) Other than that, your introduction totally rocks!

  4. Hi Eli!
    Your introduction is amazing! I love the way you bring it all back to the real world that we live in, especially the fact that so many of these communities that have been destroyed do take on an almost mythological aura. I also loved the ending where you mention that we still don't really know how to predict when a volcano is going to erupt. That moderately nihilistic (but true!) outlook fits perfectly with the tone of how humans have been forced to bow to the ultimate power of volcanoes. My one suggestion would be to maybe vary your sentence length throughout the introduction. Most of your sentences are short, which fits very well with the destructive subject nature, but I think one or two longer sentences might flow nicely. However, that's a really, really minor point. Overall, your introduction is incredibly grabbing (and the photos you chose are beautiful!), so I'm very excited to see where this story book takes you!

  5. Hi Eli!
    I love the images you chose for your Storybook! They convey nicely the fear and ominousness of volcanic eruptions. I also think the scrolling images at the bottom of your introduction are an elegant and nice touch to such a serious Storybook. Your introduction proves that you are knowledgeable about this topic and I like the seriousness with which you handle it. A suggestion I have would be to go into more depth about which communities you will be writing stories about in order to better prepare your audience for what to expect in the story. Including the poem at the beginning is definitely a nice touch that peaks intrigue so good job on that as well. More photos would also be an excellent touch! This is definitely starting out as a strong storybook and I can't wait to see what it turns into it when it's finished. Good job!

  6. Hi Eli!
    I have read your excellent and impressive story! Although I do not familiar with many western myths, your story is easy to understand and attractive. I realized that you combined the volcanic eruption with some mythological factors. Just like you mentioned in your introduction, "even with tiltmeters and seismometers, we are still just looking for signs that the gods are angry", it is a nice try to put our mind into a mysterious realm.
    Also, I think you put lots of descriptions into your plot and creating a mythologic world for readers. Overall, I think the first story in your storybook owns a relatively short plot. However, the depiction of characters and situations makes it vivid.
    At the ending of your story, the worry of Elpis makes me feel expectant for the following story.
    However, I think if you could zoom in your fonts a little bit, then the website page would look better.

  7. Hi Eli!

    I love all the images you have included in your storybook! The colors of the lava erupting really bring the story to life! I am not familiar with many Greek Mythology stories, but this one was very interesting! Your introduction tells me you are very knowledgable and passionate about this topic! With that being said, I would have loved to learn a little bit more about those communities you are referring to in the intro! Maybe consider adding a little sneak peak into the communities or add a quote from the main character from each community? Going back to your story, I loved the last line where she hoped people would be looking for her! Is this some sort of foreshadowing? Overall, great job and keep up the good work!

  8. Hi Eli,
    I thouroughly enjoyed checking out your storybook project. Can I just say wow! The first image you see on the opening page is amazing! I love the colors and how it captured my attention and made we want to know exactly what your project was about. The illustrations you include througout the storybook are wonderful and really give the reader a good picture of what is happening. The stories you have added are ones that I have never heard of. Your writting also helped to open my eyes to the amount of different places all around the world where there are active volcanos. Are there ways in which each of these places will be tied together in one way or another? I think that talking about this more in the introduction may be a way to engage the reader more from the beginning. Overall, I think this is going to be a great page and I can't wait to come back to your page in a few weeks to see where you're at.

  9. Hi Eli! I really enjoyed looking through your storybook project. The title intrigued me because I thought it was kind of comical how you added (might be fine!) The picture you used for your story book was perfect. It helps to visualize how the volcano looked like in the story. The other photos you added at the bottom of each part were great too. The introduction was really good and led me wanting to read more, however I think you could expand it by talking about the different types of communities you have mentioned.. I also think that adding more information about the main character, Elpis, would be great foreshadowing and would tie the whole storybook together. I think that the Robert Frost quote was a great addition! Overall, great job and I look forward to coming back to your storybook in a couple of weeks to read your second story.

  10. Hey Eli! I love the poem that you started your introduction with. I haven't seen a project start like that--and I was somewhat taken aback. I wasn't sure what to expect moving forward. But I thought your next paragraph is a great introduction into the theme of your storybook. It's true and worth noting that people have probably been weary of the destructive power of fire for longer than we realize. I found it interesting that you chose to focus on volcanoes. Just recently, I was thinking about how wild volcanoes and lava really are--but we never give them as much thought as I feel they deserve. I suppose if I lived near one, however, I would be much more observant and conscientious of volcanoes. It was incredible to hear the perspective of one whose life was affected by an eruption. I forget how powerful mother nature can be! Great work!

  11. Hey, Eli!

    This is Chris from the Indian Epics class!

    I'm really digging how your project is coming together so far! There is certainly no shortage for myths that foretell the ending of the world, and they are all so fascinating within their own rights. I particularly enjoyed how, in your Elpis story, you began to portray the thoughts and emotions of Elpis. The end of the world is certainly a frightening time, and I think that individual character quotes and thoughts can be a really fantastic medium to explore that.

    My one main question would be, could you explore more dialogue within this story? I think that it could be a really good agent for telling your story, especially if you frame it just right. It could even be "dialogue" in which Elpis is talking to herself. Maybe she has to remind herself to keep hope (as we all do from time to time)? Either way, just a thought!


  12. Hi Eli,

    I love this idea of your Storybook about the destruction of communities due to volcanoes. It is something that freaks me out personally.

    The story Akrotiri reminds me of our society today. In Thira, earthquakes would occur when the God's were upset and people would forget afterwards. This is similar to how especially in Oklahoma (maybe this is just me) but we forget about the destruction of tornadoes until tornado season or until there is a tornado watch/warning.

    I really enjoyed the story from the perspective of Elpis. It tells a story that I think many immigrants may face when leaving their home country. Did I make the right decision? Am I better off? You illustrate Elpis having these emotions perfectly. I particularly liked how you made it a sad but happy ending. Elpis was able to leave, but her hometown is completely gone.

    Overall, I really enjoyed your story. One area that could be altered is if you added links to each of your stories on your web page. There was many parallels to modern issues which I really enjoyed. I can't wait to read more of your stories. Great work.


  13. Hey Eli, I really like the topic you chose for the storybook project. Exploring communities that they get devastated by volcanos is a really interesting concept. I also really liked your first story. The idea of prayers and sacrifices not working was something that I explored in my own storybook as well. I love the ending. It's so tragic but still leaves a little hope in there. You know that there were people too stubborn to leave. Did anyone else make it though? Maybe someone else stowed away on the boat, or they find a life raft somewhere on the waves and the remains of people who tried to flee too late. Also, did Elpis have any family on the island? Did she try to get them to go with her? I think answering some questions about if anyone was super against leaving would be interesting and add some conflict to the story. For example, the priestesses probably would refuse to leave.

  14. Hi Eli, I loved getting to read your storybook project! I think it is so cool and unique that your storybook will contain the tales of communities that have been destroyed by volcanoes. I did not think about how big of an impact volcanoes irrupting can be on communities. It truly makes me sad and thankful I do not live by one. Their effects can be extremely detrimental and impact the economy. I loved reading your story, Elpis of Akrotiri. I thought it was very well written and it kept me interested the whole time. The ending was sad but it was still a good story to read and was informational. You did a great job using transition words whenever you started a new paragraph. I think that is very important because it makes your story flow better. Maybe express more on how Elpis feels when she leaves her life behind. I think you can give more information on that. Overall, great job. I loved reading your post.

  15. Hi, Eli. I really liked your introduction. I think you really set the tone for your collection of stories. I liked that you emphasized that stories continue to live on even when their origin is completely destroyed. Your reminder that volcanoes are also still dangerous even with all of our technological advancements was also great. I loved your image slideshow on your introduction as well. That was the first I've seen like that on these projects.

    I really enjoyed your story as well. I liked how you tried to implement real places and a historical volcanic eruption into your story. That was really cool. I also loved the name for your character meaning hope as she sails away to a new land with a story and hope for a safe future for herself and her friends. It was a neat touch. I wonder if addressing the audience in the second person in the first paragraph could be changed. It felt a bit out of place for me as a reader.

  16. Hey Eli,

    The cover art is fantastic on your site. The colors mesh very well together and they're aesthetically pleasing. After reading the stories, the theme of the stories go very well with the overall design and layout of your site so props to you for that. In terms of design, I think the site is set up well, google sites is very simple to use and navigate. I really like how your storybook is based on different communities and tales all around the world, I think thats very creative. What inspired you to do stories regarding volcanoes? The only critique I have is that your author's notes are on a different page and that's a little less convenient for the reader. i liked the point of view of the story, it definitely helped with context for the reader.

  17. What's up Eli!

    What a cool idea for your storybook! Your introduction is great and offers a lot of information about why you are doing what you are doing. I was interested to see if you would do both fire and ice stories but it is super cool that you decided to devote your efforts towards the fire side. The pictures and banners you are using are so vibrant and stay true to the overall theme, but my only critisism would be that I think you chould have a different banner image for each page. I noticed that it is the same image for each page and I think it would help to differentiate them if you had a unique image for each. As for your first story, I though you did a great job of keeping the writing clean and clear for the audience to understand what is happening, that is super important. Great job so far, and I hope that I can come back and see the progress soon!

  18. Hi Eli! I really enjoyed your storybook! The image you've chosen is just vaguely frightening and it really goes with the theme of what you've written. I may suggest trying to find photos for each page, but that is just a personal preference! As for the stories... wow! I liked the first story a lot and I think you did a great job with the way you structure it. Though "Akrotiri" was good, I think you really found your rhythm in "Martinique." The way it is written feels like we are reading the character's thoughts or diary, which is so cool! I love the use of imagery in your story and I was enthralled with his experiences. I recommend that you try to finish your storybook in this same style, but that's just my personal taste. Good job!

  19. Hi Eli!

    Wow, I'm checking back in this week on your Storybook and it's really coming along nicely! The picture's are still stunning to me and now you even have stories for me to read! I really enjoyed both of them, but the second one was definitely my favorite because it was just so intense. Then I read the Author's Note and I liked it even more because it was based upon a real person.

    As to your Author's Notes, they were both very informative. They gave me just enough information to understand what was going on and even gave me extra information that I could check out if I was interested which I really appreciate!

    The only suggestion I have is to maybe put the Author's Notes on each page with the stories that they go with just so that it's easier access.

    Great job! I've enjoyed checking out your Storybook both times.

  20. Hi Eli!

    I really liked you concept here. I think that it is a cool concept to intertwine the truth and the mythological side of it. I know a lot of it is based in history and these events most likely occurred which adds an extra layer to how these characters react. I liked the introduction and how you mentioned Robert Frost. He is a very influential man, especially when it comes to words. So, I think having him in your introduction adds more of a credibility to the stories that are being told. I think my favorite part was the imagery. I felt like I was near a volcano whenever you would describe it and along side of that you put the individual's background and feelings in with it. I think it lines up really well with the pictures you would put in your stories. I think lava is so cool (although I would never want to be near it) and seeing those pictures while I am reading helps a lot!

  21. Hi Eli,
    First off I really like the image you included on your main page. I like it just as much as your concept. I think it is really cool and unique how you are intertwining truth and myth sides. I can see that most of your ideas stem from history which is really nice, because it gives readers a background they know and then you can add you spin on things. Every story I read was so good, it felt like I was there. I know others have commented about this but your use of description makes the reader feel as if they are there in person. Overall I think it is great and I hope you can finish up this project!

  22. Hey what’s up Eli! I was scrolling through the list of storybooks, and the title of your storybook stuck out and I knew that I wanted to read it! I thought that your stories were all very good. I think my favorite story from your storybook is “Sylbaris of Saint Pierre”. I think this was my favorite story because of how descriptive you were, and how you were able to use words to make the reader feel as if he or she were there. I really like how you used phrases like “my face feels like it is on fire” and “Oh God, no, why is it so hot?”. I feel like phrases like this really emphasize the emotion and feeling that you are trying to convey from your story. I thought that your paragraphs and choice of content and words was very good. I though everything was well-written. I thought you did a great job!


Review - Week 13

  "Thanksgiving Decoration" by alasam is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0    I can...